Three weeks today. For three weeks, I have been a Dad. It’s an indescribable feeling, and yet the experience, I am learning, is surprisingly universal. I stumbled across this site in my searching, and quite a few of the essays rang true with me. Read “First Month Reflections” and “Dads breastfeed too”. These sum up my experience pretty well.
Here is a link: http://www.daddyshome.com/
I am glad that I came across this site. It was good to read how other men experience this amazing part of life. I am comforted knowing that other men feel the same as I do.
I want so much to be a good, loving, present Daddy to Olivia, and have made every effort in this since I watched her born into this world, cut the cord, and absorbed her presence along with Lee when she was placed on her chest. I am honored and humbled by the fact that I get to be this beautiful little girl’s Daddy!!
What, exactly, does that mean? To be a Daddy? I, like so many of my generation, really have no idea. My Father is a good man, and I am happy to call him a friend, but things being what they are, he never really showed me how to be a Daddy. I have other possible examples in my life; Grampa, Ryan (with his boys), Ron. I have the ultimate example… and maybe that is where this innate sense that I seem to I have comes from? Thing is, as is the case with all things regarding God, I am too easily distracted. I have a sense of what it means to be a good and loving father, but ideas of the world inevitably push them aside, and of course, I allow them to, for a while.
I feel as though what it means to be a Man has been lost to us in our culture. I said something to Stef, our Doula and dear friend, not long ago. She was talking about “Men” being afraid of infants. My reply was that any “Man” who is afraid of an infant is a boy. And yet the cultural idea of the “Man” being the provider and the rule giver in the family, having a very hands off role with the children, is still very prevalent. I am glad to see that there are more men out there reclaiming what it means to be a man.
My hope is that in the next few generations, we can get away from the idea of “the man of the family” as the detached, Ward Clever-esque, rule giver, based on the ridiculous conception of God from the fifty’s (or was this idea based on the cultural reality?), and move towards the idea of the supporter, the caring, strong shoulder to lean on, the guy who makes sure that the family has fun every chance they get. Something a bit closer to my experience of God. And it is also my hope that I will be able to show my little girl this kind of Daddy, and this kind of God, more often than not!!
Sean Colby, what profound yet simplistic, and heartwarming words. I too, not really struggled, but pondered the realm and possibility of fatherhood. I agree with you that a Man should not be afraid of an infant, for a Man to be afraid of what he once was, has never tapped into who he is, or more importantly what he will become. For one to understand best who he is, he must understand what he was, and if he is afraid of his past, he will never discover his future!
ReplyDeleteThanks Digby! I don't want this to be misinterpreted by anyone as whining, but there is a general lack of focus and attention given to men and fatherhood in our society. I don't say this in anyway to detract from the importance and beauty of women and motherhood. There is alot of attention given to these things, while men tend to suffer silently as they try to figure things out, which is not a good thing!! Let our generation of men uniote and define what it means to be a man, and a father in new, loving, expansive terms!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat a lucky woman am I to have such a man as this for a partner!!! *mwah*
ReplyDeleteSean...it is simplistically clear to me. When Olivia came into this world and squeaked her first squeak, I saw the love in your eyes for these two Hayes women... that's enough for anyone who would ever be looking for proof as to the kind of father and partner you are meant to be. And that is that.
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